Fat Tax

Task 23: Editing

Peer Editing

If the teacher has made explicit the key structures and language features of a certain text type and these are displayed on a wall or are given to the students as a checklist, then the students can edit each others' work against these lists. In her research into error correction in secondary school student writing, Jenni Bedford (j.bedfor@ace.ac.nz) found that peer editing was particularly helpful for ESOL students at the ideas level too.

If this is the first attempt at peer editing then considerable modeling will be required, and realistically students may only be able to peer edit one paragraph rather than the whole essay.

Procedure:

Collect students' first draft of the essay. Pair the students to work as editors, and assign drafts to be edited. Model the day's editing task on an OHP. Students edit the assigned work marking the draft as modeled. Students should return drafts with a verbal positive comment and one suggestion for improvement. Students may then start to rewrite their paragraph.

Peer Editing Task A - Ideas

Edit one paragraph at a time for ideas.

• Read through the whole essay quickly.
• Look at the introduction.
  • What is the main issue? Highlight this.
  • What is the writer's point of view? Highlight this.
• Read the first sentence of paragraph two.
  • What is the first main point?
  • Read the rest of the paragraph.
  • Have they argued with logic, emotion or an appeal to your good character?
  • Is it a strong argument and are the ideas clear to you?
  • What have they used to support their argument? (data, examples, etc)
  • Give 2 ticks if you would like to use their idea, 1 tick if it is okay, or ? if their argument is not clear to you.
• Repeat process with other paragraphs or return first draft for a rewrite.

Peer Editing Task B - Structure

Edit one paragraph at a time for structure.

• Read the second paragraph.
  • Highlight the statement or topic sentence.
  • Does everything in the paragraph relate to the statement? Read it through again and highlight anything that you think should not be there.
• Repeat the process with the third and fourth paragraphs.
• Read the introduction.
• Read the concluding paragraph.
  • Use the same colour as before and highlight the writer's point of view.
  • Use a different colour to highlight what the writer suggests.
  • Does the writer give a solution? If they do give them a tick in the margin.

Peer Editing Task C - Language Features

Edit one paragraph at a time for specified language features and return for rewriting.

• Revise the language features previously taught with this mix and match activity. Photocopy the language features and the examples onto different colour paper and cut up into strips. As students enter the room, give them out for students to match and lay on floor. Check answers. Use the same partner for peer editing.
  
  
• Use different colour highlighters to find language features as below on chart, with teacher guidance as required.

Answers for Mix and Match

Language Feature	Example
Quote using a colon:	One cause of premature death is poor nutrition: "Nutrition-related risks accounted for more than 85 percent of heart disease and 70 percent of strokes."
Apposition	Obesity, being overweight, is a health risk.Cholesterol, a fatty deposit, clogs the arteries causing heart problems.
Compound sentence	Eating less fatty food does help to reduce weight, but exercise is better.
Complex sentence	Since latest figures show that over fifty percent of the population is overweight many people should be concerned for their well being.
Simple sentence (5)	It is the school's responsibility.
Modal verb	As fatty foods contribute to obesity they should not be sold in the school canteen.
Modal noun - adjective - adverb	probability - possible - definitely
Theme and rheme	The government wants to tax fast food and lower the cost of fruit and vegetables. Fruit and vegetables could have the GST removed or be subsidised.
Nominalisation	Changing the canteen menu will encourage students to eat healthy food.
Linking words to signal cause and effect	because - therefore - as
Linking words to signal a change of direction	but - however - or
Linking words for adding information	furthermore - also - as well
Question	Don't you want to live longer?
Exemplification	Obesity causes health problems, such as diabetes and heart disease.

Proof Reading Task

Identify possible errors and Model reading aloud each sentence starting from the end of the essay. Demonstrate helping strategies, for example: saying "What?" when the student reads an error aloud. Students practise in pairs.